


Season of Terminal Grey

by aoyamayuuga



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Force-Sensitive Finn, Gen, the long road to ruin or redemption; neither kylo or finn know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 23:54:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5948077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoyamayuuga/pseuds/aoyamayuuga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>if we don't forgive our enemies, we'll crawl the walls like centipedes</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>~~~</p>
</div><br/>Alternatively: the fic where Finn, living embodiment of sunshine, tries to understand what the hell is Kylo Ren's deal all while trying to learn about his own Force sensitivity (which equates to a canteen in the middle of an ocean); simultaneously trying his best to help anchor Rey in the Light when the object of her (pretty obvious, Darkside knocking at the door, murder-calling) hate is only a few meters away. Fun times.<p>Alternative of the alternative: Finn believes in second chances more than anyone else and doesn't understand why he can't find it in himself to make an exception in this case. Because he should totally make an exception in this case. Totally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Season of Terminal Grey

**Author's Note:**

> author believes in Redemption Equals Death; Finn believes in Redemption Equals The Emotional Equivalent of Phasma's Training from Mustafar Times a Hundred-Thousand.
> 
> Finn's idea sounds more fun [shrug emoji]

Kylo Ren thought there would not be a bigger humiliation than his capture at the hands of the Resistance and their precious Jedi. He was sure nothing would top it (just as he was once sure nothing would top the scar running across his face, the loss of his favorite customized ship, or the loss of his leg at the hands of _Skywalker_ ).  
  
He was sure of it until _he_ stepped through the door.  
  
\---  
  
At first, Kylo's sure he's hallucinating from malnutrition (they're giving him three meals a day but he doesn't eat nor drink a drop and they don't bother trying to force him to either; he wonders if they're shocked that he's lasted this long with no sustenance). He's _so sure_ of it because _he_ wouldn't dare- _that traitor_ wouldn't have the guts to face him, least of all _alone_ (his mo- _the general_ brings eight guards, the scavenger is followed by _Skywalker_ , even the soldiers sent to give or retrieve his food tray come in sets of four-).  
  
Yet _he_ stands alone.  
  
So Kylo watches the hallucination in silence.  
  
Nothing new there. His training under Supreme Leader Snoke wasn't just _torturous_ , it was torture _itself_ \- he's no stranger to starvation or dehydration, let alone hallucinations.  
  
The problem is that the hallucination is just a silent. ( _That's_ new- that's _new_ and it _bothers_ him- where are the screams of those who've fallen to his lightsaber, where is the man with the sandy hair and the scar across his eye and his strange anecdotes, where is the woman who is usually crying as she asks him to _wake up_ with her ornate hairstyles coming undone, where is his master to push him forward with promises of glory and legacy, where is his master to push him forward by throwing his failures at his face and daring him to stop being weak and pathetic- _where is his father_ -)  
  
He's starving, dehydrated, and hallucinating ( _and tired_ , a tiny young voice he's ignored for almost two decades whispers, _so very, bone deep, tired_ ) so he reacts as well as can be expected.  
  
He snorts and throws his head back, guffaws just as the pain from hitting the wall behind him sets in.  
  
It hurts (He doesn't remember the last time he laughed this hard- has he ever laughed like this? In his 35 years of life? He doesn't know, he- _it doesn't matter_ ). It feels like he's suffocating for a moment before he manages to regain his breath and looks at the hallucination once more.  
  
It stares back at him, eyes wide and mouth agape.  
  
"What's next?" he asks the hallucination. He rarely indulges his hallucinations, he doesn't know why he's bothering to now. "Will the torturer of the Resistance be an Ewok?" he snorts again and shakes his head. His hallucinations have never been like this, never been quite so ridiculous _ever_ , but anything is fair game now apparently. (He wonders if the resistance drugged him through the air bents of his cell but no, that would be against their righteous sensibilities.)  
  
"I don't think we have any Ewoks on base but I can't say I know everyone, so who knows, but I _can_ tell you for a fact that there's no torturer around here."  
  
Kylo snaps his gaze back at _it_ , the _hallucination_.  
  
One breath. In. Out.  
  
_In_. Out.  
  
In. _Out_.  
  
(The voices in his hallucinations have always been distorted, always, always, _always_ have been- it's as if his ears have been stuffed, and in turn they become muffled, not so much that he _cannot_ understand them but enough to let him know he's hallucinating, enough to _clue him in_ about what's real and what's not. Never so _clear_.)  
  
In. _Out_.  
  
_In_. Out.  
  
(Never so clear. _Never_ so-)  
  
_Real_.  
  
Real because it's not a hallucination. Real because there _he_ stands, quiet and alone, biting his lip, one hand playing with a loose thread on his sleeve shirt and the other in his pocket (in that same jacket Kylo knows for a fact he once cut him in- a wound across his back), eyes no longer wide, no longer shocked just-  
  
FN-2187 stands alone in front of his cell.  
  
Quiet.  
  
_Real_.  
  
\----

**Author's Note:**

> fic notes:  
> #[chants] grey jedi finn grey jedi finn say it with me now  
> #force ghost padme bc I can and there's nothing anyone can do about it


End file.
